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Engaging in the 12 Steps as a Loved One

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Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) has existed for nearly 90 years. Founded in 1935 by a stockbroker and a surgeon, the organization grew quickly and now exists in more than 180 countries across the globe. In 1939, Bill, the stockbroker, wrote the core text of “The Twelve Steps of Recovery.” 

The concepts of these steps are still in use today. In fact, 65% of treatment centers were still “frequently” using 12-step facilitation in 2020, according to a study conducted by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). Many state departments of health recognize 12-step facilitation as an evidence-based practice, and the concept has been adapted to other addictions or mental health issues.

The purpose of this blog is not to focus on the 12 steps but rather to explore what engaging in the 12 steps as a loved one means for your healing and for supporting your loved one’s recovery. 

Understanding the 12 Steps

If you are supporting your loved one in their recovery journey, understanding the 12 Steps will help (sidenote, here is an illustrated, condensed version of the 12 Steps from AA). Understanding them can foster empathy for the challenges your loved one is facing. It could help with communication between you and your loved one, as the better you understand where they are in their recovery, the easier it will be to ask relevant and supportive questions.

Understanding the 12 Steps can also be practical for you. Al-Anon is an organization for people who have been affected by someone else’s drinking, and Al-Anon has a version of the 12 Steps adapted for loved ones of people struggling with addiction. These principles and support groups can help shift one’s focus from trying to control the person experiencing addiction to instead managing your own emotional health and well-being. This is critical to addressing your emotions, such as guilt or resentment, and will help you support your loved one without enabling them. Understanding the 12 Steps can help you set boundaries and focus on your self-care.

Three Ways to Engage in the 12 Steps as a Loved One

Now that you have a basic understanding, here are three ways to engage in the 12 Steps as a loved one.

  • Attend meetings. Finding a local group, such as through Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, that meets regularly and allows you to connect with others over shared experiences can be healing. These organizations typically operate on donations so they are free to attendees.
  • Regularly read and think about the 12 Steps. Reflecting on these concepts may be useful for your journey. For example, accepting that you cannot control your loved one’s addiction to alcohol (Step 1) may be liberating.
  • Consider finding a sponsor or mentor who has been through this. The last of the 12 Steps for a participant is to help others who have struggled with addiction. The same can be true for loved ones of those struggling with addiction, and finding someone that knows the program and can help you through it might provide healing for both of you.

Navigating Recovery with Southern Sky

The 12 Steps can be a powerful framework for navigating addiction, both for the person in recovery and for the loved ones who support them. Our treatment team understands how difficult addiction can be for families and loved ones, and no matter where your loved one is in their recovery journey, we are here to support you. 

We offer Intensive Outpatient Therapy (IOP), a Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP), Outpatient treatment options, and several evidence-based therapies. Contact us today to learn how Southern Sky Recovery can help you design a customized program tailored to your loved one’s unique needs.

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Peter Bean

Licensed Physician Assistant

Peter Bean Licensed Physician Assistant Peter Bean was born and raised in Falls Church, Virginia, and graduated with a B.S. in Biology at the College of William and Mary in Williamsburg, Virginia. During college he enjoyed volunteering as an EMT at the local fire department and playing on the College’s rugby team. He moved to the Charlotte suburbs in order to study at Wingate University, and he graduated with a Masters of Science in Physician Assistant Studies in 2021. He spent the first couple years of his career doing general psychiatry before specializing in Addiction Medicine and has been working with Dr. Emmel since 2024. Peter currently resides in South Carolina along with his wife, 2 children, 2 dogs, and 3 chickens. Other hobbies (as time allows) include riding his motorcycle and helping with his family’s pepper garden.

Pam Deloach

Care Coordinator/CPRS

Pam is a Peer Support Specialist with Southern Sky, dedicated to supporting individuals on their recovery journeys with compassion, understanding, and hope. Born and raised in Hampton, South Carolina, Pam is a proud mother of two amazing boys, ages 20 and 10. She has always been drawn to work that helps others, spending 20 years as a massage therapist before beginning her own journey through recovery. Inspired by her experiences, Pam chose to use her story, strength, and insight to walk alongside others who are struggling with addiction.

In her free time, Pam enjoys going to the lake, spending time with family and friends, attending church, and cheering on her son at his baseball games. These moments keep her grounded and remind her of the joy in everyday life. She is committed to empowering individuals, building trust, and creating a safe, supportive environment for healing and growth.

Ben LaGrange

Community Relations Advocate

Ben is a person in long-term recovery with a gift for creativity, a deep connection with people, and a passion for helping others find their path to sobriety. After getting sober in 2018, he discovered that authenticity was the greatest gift he could offer. Embracing it brought genuine connection, creative freedom, and a beautiful life in recovery.

With experience in multimedia, fine art, and digital design, Ben studied photography at the University of Nebraska–Lincoln and art at the Savannah College of Art and Design. He has spent years working as a professional photographer and marketer. He has also worked in recreational and art therapy for substance use treatment and has led educational groups on anger management and relapse prevention.

Ben believes that connection is the opposite of addiction—and that when we allow ourselves to be fully authentic, we become our most powerful selves, capable of deeper connection and better equipped to help others navigate a turbulent world.

Keith Toomer

Residential House Manager

Keith began his career in the maintenance and plumbing industry, where he built hands-on experience and a strong work ethic. During that time, he faced significant challenges with addiction. His decision to seek help led him to Southern Sky Recovery in Bluffton, South Carolina—an experience that transformed his life.

Through the support of Southern Sky Recovery, Keith rebuilt his foundation and discovered his true passion: serving others on their recovery journeys. He was given the opportunity to become the Men’s Residential House Manager, a role that allows him to guide, support, and mentor men as they work toward lasting recovery.

“For the first time in my life, I found a career that truly fulfills me. I love working in addiction recovery and being part of a community dedicated to helping others heal and grow.”

Outside of work, Keith enjoys spending quality time with his family. He remains committed to his own recovery and has a strong interest in nutrition and exercise, which help him stay grounded, healthy, and focused.

He is grateful every day for the opportunity to serve his community and work in a field that gives his life purpose.

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